Amelie at four months

Life with a four month old is smooth sailing - for the most part. She is asleep right now. Actually went down with very little drama. She is in love with the breast and usually has some trouble giving it up for her 7:30 ahem 8:30 bedtime (if there is even a little bit of light coming in then forget getting her to sleep). She doesn't quite understand why the breast won't stay with her all night. So, sometimes when she won't let it go, Daddy has to take over the nighttime settling with his special blend of rocking and shushing and patience that always does the trick. Not tonight. She actually went off easily. The whole day was like that - three beautiful naps. I try not to take it for granted. Tomorrow may not be like that. And even all the effort it takes to get her to sleep - the nursing, the holding, laying down with her during the day - it won't last forever. When she's two I'll be wishing I could lie down with her, nurse her, feel those peaceful hormones wash over me with the tingling of a let down as we breathe together tummy to tummy.

I've been reflecting on those first six weeks and the shock of it all. Nothing could have prepared me. If only I had known then what I know now. That it would be so much easier. That I would be so in love and connected to her. That in the end, motherhood is about surrender - giving in to this little person's needs and doing it with an abundance of generosity. And there are other things that I'll never know. Did she have colic? Was she in pain? Did it hurt to know that I couldn't soothe it away? It hurt me... And I wish that I had known that it would be okay to just hold her as she cried. That "attachment parenting" didn't mean having to fix it. Sometimes you just can't "fix it" or even if you do, they will cry anyway. Meeting needs isn't about stopping crying. It is about simply responding in the best way that you can. Being a good enough mother. I wish somebody had told me (even though I never would have believed) how much holding and nursing this little one would need. Feeds four hours apart? Ha. Like I ever believed that anyway...

And I still can't take these easy pre-teething, pre-crawling weeks for granted. Andre is home now so I have so much support. Piece of cake really. I will enjoy it while it lasts. I'm sure he will too. And Amelie - I know that she loves being with both of us as much as she can.